I'm heading for a wedding

As you may or may not know, I'm going to be in my first bridal party for one of my oldest, dearest friend Teresa. We've been friends since 3rd grade and I am so excited to be part of one of the biggest milestones in her life. The wedding is in early April, so I thought that I had plenty of time to go on vacation, eat a bunch of amazing food and wine and beer, and then lose a significant amount of weight. Boy, was I wrong! You apparently have to order your dresses 10 weeks in advance!! That's totally insane to me! I do NOT want to try on this dress and order it for my current size because I am starting to lose the weight already. I also did not budget to buy the dress 10 weeks in advance either, so my money is pretty tight. I think that if I try this dress on in my current 'condition,' I might have a panic attack that I am bigger than I should be. Also, I gain weight in my...errm chest, so my measurements are going to be way off. Oh the joys of being a girl. I have to keep reminding myself that I can be any size that I want to be, but I really am looking forward to get in shape for this wedding. I also want to get my diet back under control and see how well I feel. 

I have much anxiety over this dress fitting, but there is a motivation for me to get in shape and have a body that I am proud of by my birthday. So let the diet and exercise begin!

The one who became 'the one'

Chris and I just celebrated our one year anniversary this past Saturday and neither of us can hardly believe that it has already been a year.

In December of 2011, I was newly single, newly on American soil again, newly graduated, living with my parents in po-dunk Minnesota and about to move to NYC. I had found a job at an arts school in Brooklyn as well as a place to live pretty quickly and painlessly. After having a very quiet New Years in the city, I had decided that I wanted to actually date people and maybe meet friends. So I threw myself on OkCupid and hoped that I would get one person interested in me. At first I was a little embarrassed to tell people that I was on a dating site, but I quickly discovered that most people in the city are as NYC is notorious for making you feel both claustrophobic and lonely.

As you recall, from one of my earlier blog posts, my dating life was off to a very bad start. The first guy fell asleep in the middle of a Russian Bar (KGB) leaving me to wait for him to wake up because I didn't own a smart phone and had no idea where I was.

I had almost given up on dating, but my friends in NY convinced me to go on a couple more before I gave up completely. I am very happy to tell you that Chris was the second date that I had.

We had actually been matched up by the site and I had looked at his profile and rated him as cute. 4 out of 5 stars because I didn't want to seem desperate and I think that 4 stars means that I had thought about it. When you rate someone 4 or 5 stars on the site, OkCupid sends you an automatic message that alerts you that you are....attractive? lol. I had also been trying to be more forward and assertive, so I took two shots of Patron XO Cafe and made the official first move....online. We exchanged a couple of messages back and forth such as what do you do? What are you interested in? What is your name? before finally deciding to meet up. He suggested a speakeasy that was called 'Lovers of Today' in the East Village and I started to have a panic attack. I thought, 'Woah buddy, I am nobody's lover of today before reading up about the place, where it was, and what the hell a speakeasy was. 

A few days passed and I had gotten home from work in time to fix my makeup and look on my computer on how to get there. I also factored in time for me to get totally and utterly lost. With one last glance at the computer, I departed to make it down to the East Village. 

If you know anything about me then you know that I get lost all of the time. Even with a map. Even with directions. Even asking people on the street. And Chris picked a place that wasn't on the grid, not to mention that the address was 1/2 East 7th St. Yes. 1/2. CONFUSINGGGGGGGG. When I got to the East Village, I was running late and Chris texted me (no we are both too scared to call) that he was actually in a bar next door called Niagara because the speakeasy didn't open till 10pm. Thank goodness that Niagara has a huge lit up sign because we would have never gone on a date if I had to figure out what a 1/2 street was. I was about 15 minutes late and as I neared the door a wave of panic came over me. What am I doing?! What if we have nothing to talk about!? Regardless of my anxieties, I opened the door and walked inside. I only had seen far away photos of him on his OkCupid profile so I wasn't completely sure what he looked like. Niagara is a pretty traditional bar filled with many different types of people and it's New York so there were tons of guys sitting by themselves in this bar. When I walked in, I saw a cute guy crouched over, vigorously typing away on his phone. He looked up and gave me the most adorable smile I have ever seen and I was praying that he was my date. 

We talked for hours about everything and had many, many drinks. He let me drone on about my passion for higher education, moving to New York, and my obsession of Henry VIII and the English Renaissance. We eventually migrated next door to Lovers of Today and I kept telling him, "I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE NORMAL!!!" and "YOU GET POINTS FOR NOT FALLING ASLEEP ON ME." 

We shut the bars down before we called it a night and he walked me to the train station. I lived in midtown and didn't understand the subway system sober, so I somehow wound up in Brooklyn before getting home later. Chris texted me at the end of the night and made sure that I got home okay. :) And the rest is history my friends! 

I love you Chris!!!

My Belated 2013

Dear World,

I am alive. Thank you for reading. In the next few days, I will be posting lots of blogs about our trip to London and Paris. I have been so exhausted with jet lag and working that I just have not had the energy to accurately explain all of the journeys and memories that have taken place. I promise that I will catch up (with tons of pictures) over the weekend.

That being said: Our trip was so much fun! Chris had a blast exploring the streets of Europe and I had fun showing him around. We were walking about 10 miles every day while over there because the trains were down over the holidays, and in London, there are no boring neighborhoods. If or when we go back, however, Chris and I will allow us more time to enjoy ourselves because we are still exhausted from all that we managed to cram into 2 weeks.

And that is all that I will write as an overview of our trip, because any more will be it's own blog post. I have many, many things to share with you.

And because I was abroad with limited internet access, I will go over my New Year's Resolutions and my top and bottom highlights of 2012.

Jessica's Highlights and Lowlights of 2012

HIGHLIGHTS

My fondest memory is actually moving to New York. New York has not been easy, but I feel that I have come to like it ALMOST as much as London. I was a bit afraid this time last year that I had perhaps made the wrong decision to move out here and that I wasn't able to take the big city life. I have since come to enjoy it immensely and am very happy with my job and my friends.Walking off that plane with my luggage was terrifying and so incredible. Learning the subway system and all the boroughs of NY? Well that took me months and is an ongoing learning experience....

My second favorite part about 2012 is meeting Chris. He has made me a better person and has been with me through some very tough periods in my life. I am the happiest I've ever been and he is perfect for me. Our one year anniversary is coming up tomorrow (go us!) so I will be posting about our first date tomorrow. I love you Christopher!

My third highlight of the year would be this trip we just took. And, because it was until January 7th, I can recycle this highlight for 2013 as well! It was a bonding experience and we had so many laughs and did so many amazing things that I hadn't done when I lived there.

LOWLIGHTS
The obvious lowlight is Hurricane Sandy. It was quite terrifying and eyeopening at the same time. Not being able to get to work, having no power, heat, hot water was scary. Not having cash to buy essential items because the ATM's were down really brought out the Darwinism effect. Not knowing if the people I knew were okay and not being able to reach out to them was definitely difficult. NYC felt very isolated and deserted during the Sandy aftermath. SNL did my favorite sketch ever though, and that lifted all of our spirits on the east coast. Here's the clip

My other lowlight is breaking my foot and having it broken for over 5 months. I have never been so miserable for so long! Crutches are awful. The boot is awful. Breaking your foot or leg in NYC is just plain awful. I have so much empathy for the disabled in this city. Getting around, with all of the stairs you have to take is virtually impossible. It healed in time though for London, so I cannot be more grateful. I will not be doing that again any time soon!

CONCLUSION
Through the ups and downs of 2012, I look forward having only ups in 2013. I'm looking forward to settling into this city more and to get a permanent address that will last longer than a year. I have been a traveling gypsy for many years and I am tired of literally living out of my suitcase (which I still am. Seriously, no closet or dresser). I look forward to meeting new people and sharing 2013 with my loves!

Happy belated 2013 everyone!

Take Only What You Need To Survive...

It's now 3am NYC time. Chris has long passed out of exhaustion, but I have a deadly combination of insomnia, creativity, Santa fever, and London fever that I cannot cure with any medicine. My family can attest to my over-excitement of Christmas because sleep is not an option. Thus, this stream-of-consciousness post that is about to occur.

Chris is like a little kid waiting for Santa with this trip...except he can sleep. I told him that the best way to get through timezones is to not sleep for as long as possible and go to bed early on the new time. This has helped me adjust very quickly to London and Hawaii and any other timezone that I have been to. Anyway, Chris and I are sharing a suitcase. One suitcase. He has tried not to take up much room in the suitcase, but I am a woman. Any space is not enough space for me. But I love him, and I understand that sharing is caring, etc. Also,  having moved to and from London by myself, I am sure as hell not bringing more than I need. We will have a washer, so technically this should help me even more with not bringing much, but....two weeks? Recycle outfits? The thought is beyond comprehension. And because Chris left me to stay up and pack, he will now have not say in what I throw in this suitcase. Still trying to figure out shoes because of my continuous healing process on the top of my foot.

Books. Another soft spot. Every vacation I bring them as a safety blanket against my ongoing fight of boredom. I never read them, but they feel better when I pack them. Everyone keeps saying---kindle, I know. Eventually, if I can ever get over paper and the importance and sacredness of the printed word then I shall convert. Right now, I don't even want to own one because the minute I get one, part of my soul will be sold. Will write more on this in a later post.

I have managed to get everything (including toiletries) down to the bare essentials, except for the shoes. These two clips from The Jerk and Spaceballs sums up my packing capabilities and what I deem as 'essential'.

Ah yes, 'essential' to me is vastly different than others. I am proud that I have successfully vetoed three rounds and have narrowed it down to my essentials....with matching accessories...and jewellery...and purses. I need to look fabulous and any moment or mood could strike me.

Well, I should try and get an hour of sleep. Will write more in a few hours.....London is less than 24 hours from happening....and Christmas.......probably not going to sleep now!

Cheers,

Jess

YOU SOUND LIKE YOU'RE FROM LONDON!

If you haven't heard by now, Christopher and I are traveling to London over the holidays! Chris has never been to Europe and he's turning the big 3-0 on December 26th.  Being with my family during Christmas has been very special to me and because Chris's family resides in Jersey and mine in Minnesota and Michigan, I was trying to figure out how make everyone happy.  One of my best friends lives in London still and so we are staying in her flat while she goes home back to Canada. We've been toying with the idea of us traveling together to see my favorite city in the world, but this seemed to perfect to pass up. Abroad! Christmas! New Years! AWESOME! 

Chris and I have been slaving away at planning this trip extensively as we only have a few precious days to see EVERYTHING. It is my goal to make sure that he gets to see a good combination of the touristy things and the locals-only things. I pride myself in showing people around my home away from home, but 14 days?! We had to plan careful.

We will be celebrating his birthday and Christmas in London. We also have a few day trips to Stratford- Upon-Avon, Bath, and Stonehenge. Then we will hit Paris for a few days after the New Year. I cannot tell you how amazing this all is going to be! 

For New Years Eve, we have booked a 20's themed costume party in Camden and then we will see the fireworks display. Below is last year's kick ass display. 

Please let me know of any recommendations that you have in any of the above places we will see. I lived there for two years and have my favorites, but Chris and I both love to explore new places and experience new things! Comment here, twitter, or on my Facebook.

Cheerio Chaps!

The Ex Factor

The Ex's. We all have the loves and the heartbreaks. They are never easy, always messy, and an emotional roller coaster.

Quite recently, one of my ex-boyfriends tried to creep on me via linkedin.com. Unfortunately for him, Linkedin tells you who has visited your profile. It made me sick to my stomach because he was about to be married to someone else. Not cool in my opinion. Therefore, I have dedicated this blog to the ex's.

Sex and the City brought up the topic of ex-boyfriends. Can you be friends with an ex? When it comes to this topic, I fall more under the Miranda way of thinking:

 Miranda: I would love to be one of those people who's all: 'We Ioved, thank you. You enriched my Iife. Now, go, prosper.' I'm much more: 'We didn't work out, you need to not exist.'

Personally, I don't believe that someone can just be friends with their ex until a SIGNIFICANT chunk of time has passed. I have witnessed many relationships, and so far I have never been proven wrong on my When Harry Met Sally/Sex and the City mentality. 

Men and Women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way

Here's my opinion....It doesn't matter who broke up with whom, you can't be friends with an ex-boyfriend. Especially not right away. The relationship that you have with someone struggles with the new status, and oftentimes the two people who could have been friends later (after time had healed wounds) end up re-breaking up and never talking to the other person again. The 're-break' is 90x worse than the first break-up because someone feels suffocated and trapped while the other can't let go of memories and the past. It's not fair for either person in the end. 

Also, ex's lurking about will never sit well for new boyfriends and girlfriends. This is also best explained in When Harry Met Sally.

Harry: they can't be friends. Unless both of them are involved with other people, then they can... This is an amendment to the earlier rule. If the two people are in relationships, the pressure of possible involvement is lifted... That doesn't work either, because what happens then is, the person you're involved with can't understand why you need to be friends with the person you're just friends with. Like it means something is missing from the relationship and why do you have to go outside to get it? And when you say "No, no, no, no, it's not true, nothing is missing from the relationship," the person you're involved with then accuses you of being secretly attracted to the person you're just friends with, which you probably are. I mean, come on, who the hell are we kidding, let's face it. Which brings us back to the earlier rule before the amendment, which is men and women can't be friends.

Ex's--I cannot and will not be friends with you; ESPECIALLY if you broke my heart. I don't keep my ex's around on facebook or let anyone close to my ex know how miserable I may be. If you broke up with me, it will become my personal goal to make you wish you hadn't. Thus, no miserable facebook statuses, no personal blog posts, no texting, no calling and no emailing. You will be cut off. Trust me, it is for the best overall. I want my ex to think that I am doing better than he will. Selfish? Maybe...Immature? Probably....Vindictive? ABSOLUTELY! I refuse to let the ex know what I'm doing so that they will always be thinking of me. Plus, the ex chose to not be in my life anymore, so why would they get to check up on me or see who I'm dating? What do you think? Should ex's stick around? 

And now for some Idiot Boyfriend--Jimmy Fallon

Decisions....

I came across this article written by Lauren Conrad about the pressures that single women feel especially at a certain age or time in people's lives. I thought it was pertinent and not discussed as frequently as other topics because I think women are afraid of going against the grain or choosing decisions in their lives that could cause judgement or scrutiny. I  also have been tempted several times to post certain things on my Facebook and Twitter that I know would cause backlash because I think differently than other women. If you are already feeling insulted by this post, please do not keep reading. I am by no means judging or insinuating that women are settling for life decisions because everyone else is making them at that time or stating that you made any wrong decision for you. If you get any vibe of that from this post, then you are immature.

I always felt like an alien in my town. Like I was an outcast or a freak for wanting different things at different times than that of my peers. While the people I grew up with liked the idea of weddings and babies and houses in Michigan, I longed for adventure and education. I longed for new experiences and culture. I wanted to challenge myself and be independent. I knew that none of these things would be possible if I were to stay in Michigan my entire life.

And so I've traveled. I've experienced new cultures. I have lived out of my comfort zone and have proved to myself and others that I am independent. It has been at the cost of some things like a 1st love or my mental health, but I wouldn't have been happy any other way.

For me, for my life, right now or in the foreseeable future, I do not want kids. I do not think that I am ready (if ever) to have someone's lives in my hands. I do admire those who love kids and have kids and am fascinated by how they accept and embrace that decision, but I feel like a weirdo. Having kids is a lifetime commitment and I do not want that. I want to be able to travel and see the world with someone and not worry about kids. However, I cannot go onto social media and speak of my feelings of children because I get attacked by moms who think I am the antichrist for my thoughts about children. I ran across this postsecret a few months ago and finally feel good about sharing it here.

This may seem off topic, but here is the overall reason why this makes sense with what I am trying to say.  Even though I know that I am making the right life choices for me (and have up till now), I can't help but slightly worry or long for those things. When I get invited to weddings and showers and see the people I grew up with taking the next steps in their life, I am somewhat jealous and somewhat panicky that I might be missing out on something. This is where the Lauren Conrad article makes me feel at ease:

"One thing to keep in mind while you are attending weddings, showers and other events celebrating your friends' relationships is that these aren't things you are missing out on. They are things you have to look forward to. I was in a similar place last year. Twenty-five, newly single and helping one of my best friends plan her wedding, so I know how it can feel."

And for those people who have invested in a relationship and it didn't work out, Conrad also shares this advice:

"It can be hard to feel like you have to start from scratch when you have invested so much time with a person, but shortly after my break up I realized something: I wasn't losing the chance to have love — I was getting the opportunity to do it all over again."

Be sure of yourself and the decisions that you are making and don't get down on yourself that you are taking a different path in life. Be thankful for the heartbreaks because they are opportunities for learning and self-discovery. Stop convincing yourself that you are wrong to not want other things when everyone else wants them and start accepting who you really are. Once you do this, the pressure is lifted and you can learn to truly know/love yourself and it leaves the opportunity to find love again--permanent or temporary.