I have been fortunate in most of my dates that they have been pretty good. I decided to meet up with this guy a few months ago who worked for NHL.com. I rationalized that I loved hockey and he worked for hockey and played on a hockey team for fun. He seemed nice so I had him arrange to meet me for a drink. We met at a dive bar in the East village and I was excited to meet him because his pictures made him look a bit like Zach Braff. I walked into the dive bar my usual 10 minutes late and looked around for him. A man waved at me, apparently because my online photos look like me and his didn't. I was really bummed out. I sit down next to Zach-ish Braff and say hello while ordering a beer. He's really nervous and it was really uncomfortable because I didn't like what I saw. He did once maybe look like Zach Braff if Braff walked into an alleyway one night and got beaten mercilessly and left there to die and patch up his injuries. Yes, if I squinted in the pitch black, I could maybe think he was cute, but at this point in the evening I was too sober.
I had been fighting off a cold and wanted to cancel on this date but guilted myself into seeing him. Now I was mad at myself. The dive bar was pretty divey and was really stuffy, so I was struggling to breathe through my nose.
After getting my drink, I turned to Zach Braff-ish and asked him to tell me what it was like to work for NHL. He told me that he recently became un-employed and just really likes hockey. He also told me that he was doing a "hot yoga" class and was training to become an instructor. Not that you need a job to date me, but we ended up having nothing really in common and it was quite painful to talk to him. He had no goals and told me that he couldn't afford to pay for both of us. I felt so guilty that I ended up paying. He wanted to get another round, but at that point after a long day at work, a painfully bad date with no attraction, and me being strapped for cash I decided to call it a night early. My allergy medication wore off too and I couldn't breathe anymore through my face.
It was a very cold day in January and I insisted on walking myself back to the train as I was going to go hang out with someone else, but Zach Braff-ish told me that he desperately wanted to walk me back. We walked the 3 blocks to the station and Zach complained the entire time about how cold it was, which I found annoying because he was the one who insisted. We got to the station and I was not going to hug or kiss him because he was sweaty from his yoga class and smelled a bit, but he lurched his mouth into my face and stuck his tongue down my throat. Because he was blocking my only method of breathing (as my nose was completely out of order) I couldn't breathe and ended up coughing in his mouth. I was so disgusted. He told me that he would call me to go out again.
After getting home from my disastrous date, I scrubbed my mouth and listerined half the bottle at home my phone beeped. I received the ultra creepy text from Zach saying "I owe you a better kiss next time. Let's meet up tomorrow." I rolled my eyes and got in the shower to wash the bad date off of me. I never saw Zach Braff-ish yoga man again.
No comments:
Post a Comment