One thing that I have learned throughout my dating life is that when something works, it works. I think that women put too much time and effort into making things work out in a bad relationship. It's relationship denial and women seem to have it longer than men.
I used to think that I had a six month curse in relationships. The first six months were pretty bliss and then little things would start to bother me about the person. I would then spend the next six or seven months trying to "make things work" or make things horrible enough where that person would break it off. If you are not watching Girls on HBO then you must. The relationship and the feelings that Marnie and Charlie have mirror precisely what I used to do in relationships. Being miserable with the person, pushing them away, and then wanting to fix things with them though you are both equally as miserable. It's toxic.
I hate it when people used to tell me that when it's right with someone, then a light beam shines down on them from the heavens above and little chubby, naked angels with harps play and sing merry songs of love. That was a little extreme but you catch my drift. The truth is this: As many girlfriends and family members as you talk to, as much advice as you gather other social media networks or blogs such as mine, you don't know who is right until you realize who is wrong and why they're wrong. It takes a lot of introspection, it takes a lot of time, it sometimes takes a gut wrenching breakup, and it takes being with some losers before you figure shit out. You have to find out for yourself what you don't need or want before you start looking for those lasting qualities with someone. What works can only be found after you know what doesn't work.
Women want to alter things, tolerate things, change things completely, and inevitably ignore or suppress what they are actually needing to be happy. I was one of those women so I know what I am talking about. I used to hate the way one of my boyfriend's chewed their food. I also couldn't stand the baby talk voice someone else addressed me. These seem little, but as time wears on it can really start getting on your nerves. I would tolerate for a while. Then we would have discussions that always ended badly because I seemed to be nagging and he seemed to piss me off all the time. I hated being "mean mommy." Now that I am in a good relationship and have a very good idea of who I am independently from any man, I no longer have to be "mean mommy." I get to be what I always wanted to be-- the fun, sexy, cute, quirky, smart, and funny girl I always thought I was. I love it. I want to encourage you that if you are not happy with someone over 70% of the time, then there might be someone out there who is a better fit for you. Don't be afraid to be alone. It's only when you are alone that you discover who you really are and re-evaluate who you want to be. You will also discover (most importantly) what you will and will not settle for. DON'T EVER SETTLE! YOU DESERVE BETTER AND YOU KNOW IT. You'll either resent yourself or the one you're with and that never ends well. Good relationships are ones that you can pick apart with a microscope and come up empty-handed. You might be leery of them at first, and that just means that you have learned from your past. There will be a moment with someone who fits where you look at them and know that they know and love you and that it is okay to love them back. You will know what works with the right one and you will want to always try hard to maintain that. You don't try working at it after it's falling apart. You work at it from the very beginning and never let that six month itch happen. Have the honeymoon phase last your entire lives.
I hope that these words have helped. I am not an expert; I am still learning myself, but if I can save you months of agony in a bad relationship then I feel that I have done something right. And please don't worry about being alone, becoming a spinster with a lot of cats because you won't. Well...most of you! And if I ever, EVER get a wedding invitation from you marrying yourself I will go mental! Don't take my words SO seriously ;) http://www.buzzfeed.com/lyapalater/woman-marries-herself
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